Where it

First Hotel Meal

2010-06-09T17:06:00.002-05:00

My god, how wrong could my assumptions be? This picture is of the first specially requested vegan meal from the hotel. As I was presented with this awesome plate of food I got this sinking feeling that I'd been far too big a douchebag about this whole thing. Firstly, the meal was excellent. Secondly, I didn't have to wait in the buffet line. Third, not only was the food delicious, but it was specially prepared for me. Mulligatawny soup with naan, two types of curry, and basmati rice flew out of the kitchen riding a magic carpet right into my undeserved lap. I really think the chef took pride in this creation.

So basically, I was quite humbled at this presentation, and I wasn't the only person to notice. Two other women at the table gawked: "Where did you get that?" I politely explained I had pre orderd the vegan meals, expecting to be further interrogated regarding my strange choice, but again, my assumptions were all wrong. I spent the rest of the meal explaining just how I had ordered it, and nothing else. I did not mention why I chose to do so, I didn't have to explain veganism, and I wasn't ridiculed for my choice. Well, almost not ridiculed. I could feel a tension between me and the others which I guessed to be either because of jealousy, or just a desire to not talk to that weird guy. Oh well.

To Finish a Thought...

2010-06-09T16:54:00.002-05:00

This was my next meal, at a nice Thai restaurant in Boston's chinatown:My Thai Vegan Cafe. The food was excellent, and not too pricey either.

Starters was fried wontons. Inside was some type of fake chicken substance, veggies and spices. Somewhat bland on its own, but the sauce on the side made up for that.

I ordered the red curry with tofu for my entree. I kind of have a hard time believing this is vegan. It tastes too good. The coconut milk makes this dish extra creamy and rich. I wish I could eat this every day.

Musical Thought Tracking

2010-04-24T00:29:00.002-05:00

Can you track someones thoughts, or at least state of mind by knowing what music they have been listening to? I don't know either. I suppose you would need some sort of way to measure someone's baseline response to certain musics. I would expect this to vary according to their musical tastes, when the music was introduced into that person's life, how closely the music resembles (ooh, tricky to demonstrate) another music from previously in their life, how often that music is listened to, how recently the music was last heard, and how available the music is at that point in time. I would like to assume that the person in question could listen to any music at the time in question, but proximity will always have to factor in. Here's the last few songs I've skipped around to (by deliberately clicking on them):

Dramamine - Modest Mouse
Breakthrough - Modest Mouse
Buena - Morphine
Head With Wings - Morphine
None of Them Knew They Were Robots - Mr. Bungle
Air-Conditioned Nightmare - Mr. Bungle
Everyone Has a Summer - Lovage
Good Song - Blur
Idioteque - Radiohead
Morning Bell - Radiohead
I Hear the Bells - Mike Doughty
Tiny Cities Made of Ashes - Modest Mouse

Some of these are in alphabetical order, according to artist, but at the time i clicked i truly believed that there was nothing else that i wanted to listen to. what should be interesting is the jumps out of alphabetical order. one song reminds me of another and i want to continue in the same approximate mind set that i was in before the last song ended. Or so i thought. during the mike patton section i seemed to increase in visceral delight, while the following songs allowed me to come down gently and then retain most of my initial enthusiasm for what i was doing. another variable comes to mind, and that is of what the listener is performing in while they listen to the music. I believe that certainly one will change their visceral reaction depending on what they are doing at the time. for example, if i stop typing right now and pull out my air guitar, will i enjoy the music more? is that what i'm going for? what am i thinking?

Meal 1: Breakfast at an Airport

2010-04-23T08:05:00.006-05:00

My first meal of the trip was at an airport subway. I hadn't eaten breakfast yet, and I was ready to eat just about anything. I became even hungrier as I imagined all the eggs, cheese, pancakes, and bacon that I could be eating if I didn't decide to go through with this lame thing. There was still time to turn back. No one would ever find out if I ordered the chicken and bacon sub as long as I took a picture of a veggie sub in it's place. But I couldn't. I had already made special arrangements at my destination, and I couldn't let all that planning (whatever it was) go to waste. Plus I would have been lying to myself. Damn integrity. Six inches of veggies slathered with italian dressing on a presumably animal-product free bread (still not sure about this), with a cup of black coffee:

I quickly realized that eating is difficult for vegans in airports. In this particular airport there is only a subway and a bar, and I prayed that I wouldn't be reduced to choosing the small, nearly unmentioned menu items from restaurants, then requesting no cheese. The sub tasted just fine, but there was no way I could have eaten that all the time. Luckily, during my layover in DC, I found a small magazine shop that sold snacks and I picked up this little gem:

They may look like strange crumbly poop, but man they were good. I could have definitely munched on these all week.

Discussion

2010-04-21T09:08:00.002-05:00

According to my crappy criteria for 'mention' vs 'discussion', there were far more discussions of veganism than mentions. It must be pointed out that most of these 'discussions' did not last past a single reply, and there wasn't really a whole lot of either mention or discussion.
Most commonly observed was: "What is that?" "Oh, it's the vegan meal".

On a couple of occasions I got as far as:
"What is that?"
"Oh it's the vegan meal."
"How did you get that?"
"I ordered it ahead of time on the online registration form."
"Oh." And then the conversationalist returned to his/her meal and seemed to forget the whole thing.

There was even a moment of:
"What is that? "
"The vegan meal."
"No, I mean what is that? Is it good?" and I saw some genuinely puzzled faces, as if either it looked terrible, or they were insulted that I had the audacity to play my 'holier than thou' card and order something special. But then I got to describe the dish, and the conversationalist turned back to their food and ignored me for the rest of the meal.
One such discussion was initiated by my co-worker, who was already knew that I am no vegan, so I simply explained that I was curious about the meal option offered at registration, so I took it.

I believe that most, if not all, of this discussion was prompted by the other party seeing that while they stood in the buffet line, I had a personal server who brought be awesomely delicious and fancy looking meals. I am pretty sure they were jealous, and I'm pretty sure the hotel chef must have taken pride in his work. I will later explain one particular instance where it was difficult to miss that I was being treated differently.

I did not observe any other vegans at the meetings. Everyone else seemed to be content with the buffet line. Vegetarians would have had quite a few good options, and I even ate exclusively from the buffet for lunch. I did find it difficult to refrain from two things, clam chowder and lobster. The clam chowder was absolutely everywhere, and I correctly predicted that upon my return I would be lambasted for not trying any. Lobster was served at the final dinner buffet. Whole freakin lobster. For free. As I silently kicked myself for deciding to be vegan that week, I observed nearly everyone else cracking, dipping, and engorging themselves while being bibbed by the wait staff. I thanked no one in particular that the free beer was also vegan.

Totals:
Mentions - 3
Discussions - 9
All talk of veganism was contained to mealtimes, when it was visibly evident.

FAILURE

2010-04-19T10:07:00.002-05:00

No usable data obtained with regards to personal interactions. There was no discussion of any kind about eating habits, except for "Oh my Gawd, try the clam chowda". I suppose I can still comment on the food and discuss what went wrong, but that's not nearly as interesting as I had hoped.

Cover Story

2010-04-09T09:06:00.003-05:00

Hi there, My name is XXXXX, and I've been a vegan for almost a year now. I can't remember the exact date I decided to veg out, I think it was more of a gradual process. First, I stopped eating meat. That wasn't so hard. As I adjusted to alternate protein sources I also dropped the eggs, dairy, and honey. This wasn't so easy as I really really love eggs and cheese, and the substitute soy crap just can't compare, so I don't eat the fake cheeses either. Most of my nutrition is derived from eating a variety of veggies, whole grains, fruits and nuts. You can make some surprisingly tasty meals from chickpeas and lentils. Sometimes it's not easy to keep this up as well as I might like, so I do take the fairly regular iron and B12 supplements. My current obstacle is to overcome the use of other animal products such as leather, wool, and silk. This has been the hardest to give up because up until recently I didn't fully appreciate how animals may suffer for reasons besides becoming our food.

Why do I do this? The short answer is that because I can. Humankind has done such a good job with advancements in technology and science that we no longer need to resort to many primeval practices of our predecessors. I doubt this was intentional, but in developed societies we no longer need to eat or use other animals to survive. We have the technology to alleviate a heck of a lot of suffering, human or otherwise, so why not use it?

How do I reconcile my vegan ideologies with a work environment that is dependent on animal testing/suffering? I rationalize. I know that much, if not all, of animal testing is probably unnecessary and sad, but I need the job, and I need the money. The same technology that allows me to live a vegan lifestyle has me pinned down. I may have the chutzpah to resist using animals as a means, but not to give up my other luxuries. My car, my home, my computer, the hope that I can raise a child to have as good a life as I have had, all have me stuck doing what I'm doing now. I don't deny that I am mostly to blame for this, but I do try to take some solace in the fact that at least some of the money made from these animals (the money I make) is going towards recognizing that animals have rights.

Methods

2010-04-07T08:29:00.005-05:00

Data Points:
-Was veganism mentioned or discussed?

Discussion: When myself and at least one other individual make at least one sentence or remark, per person, regarding veganism or any component thereof in a sequential manner.

Mention: When the topic of veganism, or any component thereof, is spoken about but does not extend to the definition of 'discussion' by either non-sequential mentioning or a lack of reciprocation.

-Did the eating habit come up during a meal or at another time?

-Did I bring up the topic or did someone else?

Is that other person a vegan, vegetarian, or omnivore?

-What is the person's reaction/response?

Do they largely ignore the topic?
Do they seem interested in me or the topic?
Do they try to formulate arguments against veganism?
Do they support a vegan lifestyle?
Do they try to change the subject?
Do they have a positive, negative, or neutral response?

- Are there any other vegans? Do they tend to group and socialize with each other rather than non-vegans?

Meals:

-Pictures will be taken of every meal.

-All meals and lifestyle choices on this trip will be vegan, regardless of whether or not they occur in the presence of the meeting and hotel staff. This means no flesh, fish, eggs, milk, cream, honey, leather, silk, wool, etc...

-Meals will be rated on the following scale:

Taste: 0 - 30
Presentation: 0 - 15
Aroma: 0 - 15
Nutritional Value (for a vegan lifestyle): 0 - 30
0 = worst imaginable, 30 = best imaginable

Taste and nutritional value will be weighted differently than presentation and aroma because they are the more essential aspects of the food. I'm looking for utility, not artwork.

Meal Request

2010-04-05T15:14:00.006-05:00

As the date for my meeting approaches I've been making some more arrangements. Janet recently emailed me regarding my 'Special Meal Request'. Here is the email and my response:

To be honest, upon receiving this email I got cold feet about this whole thing. What do they mean, 'Special'? Like, Special Olympics special? Am I going to royally piss off Janet for making all these special meal demands? Is the hotel staff going to spit in my food because I'm some whacked out veg-head who can't suck it up and eat the buffet like everyone else? There's nothing more I hate than causing the chef to be irate. The worst of my fears were yet to come:

Identify myself?? I could imagine how this might play out... *wavy lines*

"And for you sir?"

"Um, yes, well I'm the vegan here, so I need the, er, special vegan meal please?"

Lights dim as the room falls silent. Everyone turns to glare, mouths agape, pasta dangling from the corners of mouths, meatballs splop to the floor from forks held high. A shrill, helpless sounding scream is heard from the far recesses of the room.

Waiter clears throat, adjusts collar.
"Oh but of course sir. The speeeeecial meal for you indeed! I just need 3 forms of ID, one of which must be a valid driver's license. Also your mother's maiden name, and two references who can verify that you eat like a right sissy."

"Here you go."

As documents are presented, reviewed, scanned, and processed a quieted murmur erupts.

"Is this for real? What's this guys deal, anyway? I hear those types can't even wash their hands cuz it kills bacteria. Oh yeah? Well I hear he's also an anarchist, and you just can't trust anyone who wants this great country to fall into chaos like that. Boy, I hope I don't have to talk to that freak this weekend."

The meal is presented. Two unwashed carrots, an olive, and a sprig of parsley.
"Here you are sir, one 'special' vegan meal. Bon appetit."
As the waiter turns to leave he remembers, "Oh, and if you need to use a restroom, there's a diaper changing station in the women's room, you big fat baby! Waaaah ha ha ha ha ha!"

Oh dear me. The paranoia has set in already. Here are a couple more realistic ways I may be affected by the procedure:

- In order to get my vegan meal, I must bring up the subject that I am vegan. I will not have to wait for someone to question me on this as I will be required to open that door at lunch and dinner. Perhaps I should try to have some idea of what I'm talking about, or risk being exposed as a fraud.

- I will stand out. Not only to my table, but to everyone who sees the server bringing a plate of food to this one person, while everyone else waits in the buffet line. I expect this to be slightly awkward.

- Other vegans, if any, will be easily identifiable. With our forced 'outing' (not that it is anything to be ashamed of) I expect that if there are any other veg-heads that we will tend to join forces. Since I'm unfamiliar with the structure of these meetings it is hard to predict the extent to which this will happen.

- I have realized that I will need to be a bit more mentally prepared. I need a back story, some replies to commonly asked questions and misunderstandings. How do I reconcile my aversion to meat yet retain a job in an industry that willingly sacrifices animals? I need to do some homework. The lies can only get bigger.

- I should have some sort of backup plan. What if I screw up and eat something not vegan? Should I act appalled, or fess up?

- I need data. Originally this was supposed to be a purely sociological look into the reactions of an individual when presented with a foreign paradigm, but I now feel that if I am to go through with this, I will need some numbers to crunch. What those numbers are and how they are to be interpreted will be posted later.

- Should I be seeking IRB approval for this? Is this violating the rights of the people I will be deceiving? More homework to do.

Other Parameters:

2010-03-18T07:44:00.001-05:00

I shall attempt to mostly observe the behavior of others and not try to rub my eating habits in anyone's face. This experiment is about how people react when unprovoked. Also, if I do run into a fellow vegan I should have some kind of standard list of questions to ask them about their lifestyle choice (if the topic arises). What do you do? How long have you worked there? How long have you been vegan? What is your favorite food from the conference so far? Least favorite? How do you reconcile your opinions about eating animals with your opinions about testing on them? If I can get out that last question without seeming like a monumental ass, then I will stick my flag in the ground and declare victory.

Business Trip!

2010-03-17T14:27:00.003-05:00

I've never had to travel for work before, but due to a string of unlikely occurrences, I now have the opportunity to go to Boston for a 'Site Training' meeting. Normally I would pass off this type of responsibility to someone else as it involves a large amount of schmoozing on my part, but I've never been to Boston before, and I get to fly for free, and the hotel is free, and I get 3 days off from work, and.. (well you get the idea). How bad could it be? I'm pretty sure that the benefits will outweigh the negatives (boring as hell lectures, sleazy drug reps, corrupt big pharma execs, and snooty clinical research coordinators) so I find myself asking: "What do I have to lose?". Well, the answer to that last question makes me feel a bit uneasy.

I'm not a big picture person. I'm happy in my microcosm. I receive a task, I have the means to accomplish that task, then I complete said task, then go home and forget about it. There is no reason for me to think about anything beyond what is in front of me, and this is what will be hard to give up. You see, I know things. Scary things. Things that are seldom mentioned in my business, but when they are, they're quickly shuffled under the rug. Things that make little girls cry. What are these things? I know about the animals.

Animals who have sacrificed their well being for my (in the broader, part-of-the-human-race, 'my') benefit. I work for a small company that conducts pharmaceutical research. It is not a bad company. The employees are nice, we treat people well, and we don't conduct trials involving animals. By the time the research gets to us the animal testing is already out of the way. We need to ensure the medicine being tested is safe for humans, so the drug company sends us information about how these rats reacted to this, and how those dogs responded to that. The details can be rather sickening, and I know my boss would rather not hear about it. But it exists. Is it necessary? I don't have the answer to that. Is it cruel? Sure sounds like it, but due to the potential of the former question it might be understandably so. Does it violate animal rights? Let's save that discussion for later. All I am sure about is that during this meeting my microcosm will collapse. With each handshake I will wonder "Was that dog given arthritis so that we could churn out a medicine to compete with other similar medicines, or was it hobbling around under the influence of a placebo so that an otherwise crippled person can live significantly longer? Damn, I wish I could have my blinders back." I don't want to lose my tunnel vision.

The reason I bring this up is not to directly confront the pharmaceutical companies and their methods. Maybe later, but I bring this up now because I want to introduce an experiment. It is a social experiment looking into the human response to a set of double standards. Let me explain. In order to register for this trip I was given a link to a website asking when I will be departing, when I will be returning, and some other basic demographic information. The one piece of this that stands out was this drop down menu:

Really? Vegan?

I am far too curious to pass this up, so I've selected 'Vegan' as my dietary restriction. Now I'm no vegan, but I cannot sit around at that meeting all day wondering "How do these pharmaceutical companies appease the vegan crowd while they know damn well that animals have been sacrificed in order to bring you this medicine?". Plus I'm hoping to alleviate some boredom. So it is my intent to find out firsthand how a vegan will be treated in a community of persons who are theoretically on the other side of the animal rights issue. Will they still be nice to me, all the while thinking to themselves "This person is a threat"? Unfortunately I won't be able to answer that, so I am coming up with a few slightly more objective questions:

Question: Is the food good? Now 'good' being relative, coming from a meat eater, but do they put effort and thought into the food preparation? Does it look good? Does it smell nice? Does it meet the dietary needs of a vegan?
Hypothesis: The food will taste decent, but probably won't supply me with adequate nutrition. I expect the company will try to do their best to please everyone, but the food won't be too great mostly due to inexperience and a lack of knowledge surrounding veganism.

Question: Will I be as readily accepted by the others at the meeting as compared to my carnivorous counterpart?
Hypothesis: No. I do not expect to be held in as high esteem as others who eat meat. Partly because I think vegans are treated with a little disdain anyway, and partly because I think when I describe myself as vegan I will be associated with the animal rights activists, and through simple syllogism I will be perceived as disapproving of the work some of these people may have directly participated in.

Question: Will my eating habits ever be the topic of discussion, or will it be like the 'ol 'Elephant in the Room'?
Hypothesis: I'm on the fence about this one. It could be a hot topic for some very opinionated people, or it could be swept under the rug like the whole animal testing topic.

Question: Will others seek me out as a vegan companion and/or will I feel the need to seek out fellow veg-heads?
Hypothesis: I don't expect to feel the need for vegan companionship. Other people, however, are a strange bunch and we'll just have to wait to see what happens.

I will be taking pictures of all the food as it is presented to me, and of as many people as I can without creating too much of a stir. I will advocate veganism on moral grounds rather than religious and hope that I don't get caught with a steak in my gullet! This is the outline of the project for now. As I come up with more questions I will post them. Oh, and if ethical questions regarding animal testing arise, should I play devils advocate for the vegans, or try to change the subject?

Ode to a Discus

2007-12-04T08:56:00.001-05:00

Oh to be a disc
And take a measured risk
Bend the knees
And through the trees
A quick flick of the wrist

Oh to be a disc
And be tossed into the brisk
dry winter air
the spin takes you where
you've always wanted to go

Oh to be a disc

Talk To Me

2007-09-21T09:10:00.000-05:00

I've got nothing good to say
And I never will
When I feel strongly in a way
It turns my stomach ill
Tough to swallow in a pill
Where there's no drinking water
A razor tongue could slaughter

Rip through scores of standing paradigms
Oxidizing egos, dissolving glue
That holds together careful pantomimes
As a corner stone becomes askew
Use fluoxetine to hide the blue
But nothing ever does the trick
Learn to live while being sick

If only the words I use
Meant the same from you to me
Maybe we could peruse
And endless mind-like sea
Of thoughts and feelings, apathy
Hidden inside the look on your face
Lost within an enigmatic space

But don't let the man get you down
Persist like there's nothing wrong
Have a doctor diagnose your frown
Start singing a super happy song
But you'll always carry, all along
The weight of your separation
From the unremitting multi-lingual nation

*Yes, I really am that deep. And cool. And awesomely amazing.

Things I Will Never Understand

2007-09-18T09:58:00.000-05:00

1. Feminist Epistemology
2. People's willingness to let corperations run their lives
3. How to advocate biodiversity and human propogation at the same time without contradiciton
4. Why someone's strongly held beliefs remain hidden through inaction
5. Wave-particle duality (although I hold out hope for this one)
6. Philosophers' resistance to hard determinism
7. The inability to clock the average flight speed of a swallow
8. What makes music and art enjoyable
9. Ethics
10. The point of maintaining a blog

Why not hire me?

2007-05-31T13:17:00.000-05:00

Why doesn't anyone recognize the need for causally deterministic historians? This is what the job entails:

-Record, describe, and document every single moment of waking life around the entire globe.
-Review said documentation and inspect areas where it would be sufficient to say "this caused that" and list the necessary conditions that existed in order for the event in question to occur.
-These findings would be presented before a 'cause panel' composed of philosophers and physicists who would ultimately determine whether or not a true cause has been discovered.
-After years of this practice we should have a fairly decent record of causal interactions, and so therefore we can allocate blame, or more likely, partial blame on persons involved in the causal chain leading up to any event in question. (Lawyers would pay good money for this info)
-Hopefully in the far future we will be able to blame the outcome of a seemingly complex event on one single simple event far in the past. For example, if Jerzy had not let so much urine trickle down his leg at the urinal, he would not have jumped backwards into some guy, who then became irritated and drove aggressively spurring others on the road to do the same for years to come, leading to Mr. X's depression about how every time he goes out he gets honked at, which helps him decide to jump off of a building, but on the way down someone shoots a gun out of the window and hits him in the head. What killed Mr. X? Jerzy's inability to make it into the urinal 10,000 years ago. Case closed.